29 June 2010

A month is 4.2 weeks...

4.2 weeks, that's almost how long it's been since I wrote my last post.
I was able to spend a week with my spiritual teacher at the very beginning of the month but towards the end of that visit I started feeling like I was getting a cold. I've had little colds before but have not really been sick for quite some time.
I have never been sicker in my life! Through it all, it was clear to me that I was purging everything that my body no longer needed and this needed release had been building for some time; so, I held on for dear life and rode that Class-5 rapid like it was the last ride of my life. When I came up for air after surviving the four nights of drenching sweat with migraines to match, I woke up on day five to the worse cough of my life. At one point, I remember deliriously thinking that my cough sounded like a cartoon horse, I know that sounds strange but the sounds coming out of my body hadn't been heard by my own ears since I was about 5 years old and was suffering from asthma. I can still remember being so young--sitting on the side of the bathtub, the room full of steam, just trying to get air into my lungs--just trying to breath.
This time the coughing was much more intense, and the pain was so much worse than I could have ever imagined. I can't help but think, 'what if my immune system had been any weaker than it was already ?
I know now that this flu was simply my Panchakarma that has been welling up inside of me for some time now, and was long over-due.
Surviving through all of this has made me realize what is most important to me in life: my health, and the love of my family.
As I was looking through some family photographs last night, I came upon the last picture my father ever took of me--it was Fall and I looked so happy, it would be the last time my dad ever hugged me--I was only twenty-two.
Losing a parent has got to be the worst pain anyone can feel, maybe only worse would be that pain of losing a child.
Family is what you make it, or so I'm painfully learning.
Painfully because people aren't always going to be what you want them to be.
They aren't always going to have time for you or reciprocate the love you share.
The time for loving is now, love em while you can.
I'm so thankful for my health and ability to love freely.

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